Valentine's Day: It's All About Eros

Yesterday, I went to Red Lobster with my family. The first words out of our server's mouth were, "Happy Valentine's Day." I reply, "What's there to be happy about?" This is my general attitude toward the day. Everywhere I look, I see couples going around to restaurants, movie theaters, parks, anywhere else that's public, obviously showing their affection towards each other. My reason for asking, "What's there to be happy about?" is simple. Valentine's Day, in its current form, is a celebration of love. Not just any kind of love, mind you, but a specific type of love: Romantic love. I am of the opinion that romantic love is the only kind of love that matters on Valentine's Day. Since I am not currently in a relationship, I do not have that outlet to which I can share requited romantic love, and so I am frustrated at the fact that others are getting it while I am not. It's like the kid in a candy store who, while in line to buy some candy, is continuously being passed over. While everyone else in the store is getting candy, the kid has been skipped and overlooked so many times, he has no choice but to leave the store visibly upset.

Every time I see a couple, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, with the couple visibly happy with each other, I think to myself, "I want that," referring to the relationship and the obvious status thereof. It just bugs me that I have been, up to this point, unable to obtain that. All my relationship experience has consisted of love unrequited. You know, "I love her, but she doesn't love me," or "She sees me as nothing more than a friend," or "Get away from me before I file a restraining order against you," things like that. (Although I must say that I have never heard that last one used against me.)

If there was more than one word in the English language used to identify a certain type of love. The Greek language has at least three. At least, these three are the big ones:

First is Philia (φιλία), which means friendship in modern Greek. It's a love without passion. "It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity," according to Wikipedia. This word is the root word for the name of the city of Philadelphia.

Next is Agapē (ἀγάπη), which is more of a general love. The above-linked Wikipedia page says, "It can be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard. The verb appears in the New Testament describing, amongst other things, the relationship between Jesus and the beloved disciple....The Christian sense of the term expands the original Greek sense and encompasses a total commitment or self-sacrificial love for the thing loved. A great deal of Christian theology is indebted to the frequency of this word and its interpretation in the New Testament."

The final one of the Big Three Greek Words for Love is Eros (ἔρως), which is a passionate love. "Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage." It does not have to be sexual in nature (the English word "erotic" comes directly from this Greek word), but it has to be more than just philia. This kind of love is what Valentine's Day is categorized to be about.

While you can demonstrate Agapē love to almost anyone you see on the street, and have Philia love for your friends, it's this Eros love that makes Valentine's Day special for almost everyone.

As a relationship matures, there may be a shift in the balance of the types of love between the couple. However, on Valentine's Day, it's all about eros. Those who want eros, but can't get eros tend to end up not liking the day much. Those who want eros with someone who only wants philia with that person is even worse, as he is the victim of what we call, "Unrequited Love."