More on Singles Ward FHEs

A few months ago, I wrote a blog post about YSA ward Family Home Evening activities. I somewhat explained why each of those activities was good or bad, but I didn't fully explain why it matters, and instead of editing the original post numerous times to include what I left out, I will condense them in this post.

The quality of the singles ward FHE activity is important. The goal is to create an environment that encourages interpersonal communication, or IPC. The more opportunity for IPC, the greater the likelihood that two people would get together and begin dating. Some environments are better than others. Those closer to number 1 on that list have better opportunity for IPC than those closer to number 10.

Let's go through some of those items on that list, and see where the problems lie.

10. The Free Public Concert

Note that it does not have to be a concert specifically. Any public performance applies, whether it be a concert, a movie, or any other.

While the organizers have good intentions, this type of activity always ends in failure when compared to the goals mentioned above.

"[Public performances] are not very conducive to interaction within the group. You sit down, look at what's being performed on stage, then once it's over, everyone goes home. Even hushed conversations may attract the ire of other concert-goers. Then of course, there's the phone conversation with the latecomer seeking to find the rest of the group."

In all honesty, the public performance, whether it be a movie or a concert, is an activity more appropriate for a fourth date, or any Nth date where N is at least 4, or even after getting married. Well did Elder Richard G. Scott say, "It is all right to go to the movie [or other public performances] after you are married, but it is stupid to do it beforehand. Get to know each other [first]" (CES Fireside, September 12, 2010, emphasis added). As for FHE activities that are more appropriate as dating activities, take this advice from Elder Dallin H. Oaks: "Marriage is not a group activity—at least not until the children come along in goodly numbers." (CES Fireside, May 1, 2005).

Just like it is stupid to go to the movies on a first date, it is just as stupid to attend a public performance, even if it's gratis, as an FHE activity.

Compare that to the top 5 on the list. These are the best activities because they all provide environments where IPC is not only possible, but thriving. If people are unable to show up on time, they can show up late without inconveniencing anyone else. Phone calls won't disturb people who are there "just to watch the show."

9. The Dessert Place

There's another problem that seems to have made itself apparent over the past couple of activities at dessert places: Unsavory passersby.

Most of the dessert places are not capable of seating more than 15 people. The ward FHE that happens there usually includes twenty to thirty people, so a crowd develops outside the establishment. That crowd attracts people, particularly the unsavory types. You know what I'm talking about. People who think they can just walk up to the crowd, chat up a few of them, and then when they least expect it, they hit them with a request for money.

Such passersby are a total mood killer, since your attention is diverted from your fellow ward members to these skells who have nothing better to do to get the more gullible of them to fork over some spare change. Sure someone might encourage such people to change their ways, but so many of them are content with the status quo that they refuse any such offer, unless it's food or cash (The Man with the Golden Voice is a notable exception).

Contrary to popular belief, such experiences are not unique to New York City. Therefore, they are not authentic New York experiences, and therefore should not be part of any FHE activity. In fact, such encounters are frowned upon by most natives of any urban area. Some people even assume the guise of a beggar as a means to acquire money. In any case, activities at non-public venues are usually not susceptible to such distractions. And yes, they are distractions, much like a couple sitting in a restaurant. One person is about to tell the other something that is either very important, or is being eagerly anticipated. Before that thing gets said however, they are interrupted by the server who asks if they are ready to order. It's a total mood killer.

Even without this distraction, this activity, like number 7 on my list (The Bishop's House), is not the best "ask a girl out on a date" environment, unless you're used to picking up random women on the street, which is essentially what you're doing here.

There! I said what I needed to say. I encourage you who are organizers of FHE activities in singles wards throughout the church to read this (and my previous write-up), and consider them when planning activities for FHE. Future generations will thank you.